The Attitude Factor

Seminar Atttitude

(Thanks to Bob Rich, today's guest author for sharing this great self reflection)...

Years ago, I attended a five-day leadership seminar in Florida. The weather was perfect, the college setting was ideal, and the group of attendees and instructors were exceptional. This was high-level leadership training, and it was coming at a perfect time in my career and personal growth.  I was thrilled to be there, and even today, I view this week as a defining moment in my life. For the first two days, we reviewed our personal profiles that assessed our flexibility, intelligence, leadership, communication and interpersonal skills. In no time, I felt at home, found my "spot" and enjoyed making some new friends. Unfortunately, among this group, was an arrogant, self-absorbed, know it all executive that clearly rubbed me the wrong way. By day three, I had heard enough; I challenged this guy, in public, to ask him to "get in line".

Two seconds later, however, the sharpest, smartest instructor in the group turned the tables right back on me, and she sharply challenged me on my own seminar "attitude". I was shocked to be singled out like that, and really taken back by her laser-like critique of my own leadership style. Apparently, I was so consumed with judging my peers behavior that I lost sight of my own. I was deeply wounded by the timing, accuracy and velocity of her critique. I knew she was right on, as she had exposed one of my leadership blind spots for all to see. OUCH!  She so rattled my cage that I spent the remainder of the day (and night) reflecting on my own, and the next morning we spoke for hours about this weakness and its implication on others. She then proceeded to help me grow stronger.

This special instructor was placed in my path to teach me a lesson I will never forget. Though countless associates, peers and friends could have easily called me on the carpet years before over this same, obvious leadership "attitude", only this special instructor cared enough about me and my growth to address it directly, openly and effectively.  She forced me to see, hear and live with my leadership weakness; as a result, I was able to quickly and convincingly eradicate this weakness from my leadership toolbox. And, in its place, I have created a more productive, strength based leadership model that can serve others better where and when appropriate. I'm still not a perfect leader, but better.

An Alluvio Observation.... All around us, there are people that see us "as is"; they know our strengths, our weaknesses and our unique gifts. And, for the most part, they have good intentions to help us grow and develop in our personal and professional life. But, only a handful among them will actually observe, share and coach us at our points of weakness; because only a few have the courage, patience and confidence to place themselves "in harms' way".  When I look back over my leadership journey (thus far), I can list on one hand the people who so valued me and my relationship with them that they told me what I needed to hear - not what I wanted to hear. My Florida friend is #1.

Question to ponder... Are you surrounded by people that can see your blind spots? Will they point them out to you (or to others)? Can you name these blind spots now?

Jerry Lewis & Dean Martin (A Love Story)

I was struck this morning by a cover story in the Sunday News Parade Magazine. As I prepared to toss it aside (as I nomally do) I saw a picture of Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis leaping into the air that immediately captured my attention.

The short piece called "The Story Behind Their Story" was actually an excerpt from Jerry's book: "Dean & Me (A Love Story)." As I soaked in the deep and unique frienship that these two entertainers shared, I welled up with emotion as I pondered the years that they choose to spend separated from each other. I wondered what they missed during those long years and how it could have further shaped their lives. Since we become who we are in relationships with each other, it stands to reason that both of these high profile men, could still have been more had they had continious access to each other and been nourished by this mutual love.

As Jim Rohn once said, "life is not a practice session." It is the real deal. We will all die someday. Our best friend will die some day. We are all guilty of putting off important relatiohships in our lives, of not investing time with those we love. Before you leave this page think of just one person that you have put off calling. Now, call them, or write to them today. Don't wait.

The Attitude of Forgiveness

The Association for Conflict Resolution is a group committed to ending all the destructive conflict in our world and has declared October 20, 2005, as Conflict Resolution Day across the United States. Many states have planned special events on this day to raise awareness and develop greater skill in resolving conflict. John D. Willis PhD, and Director of Graduate Studies in Dispute Resolution  in Kentucky makes the following suggestions to celebrate this day, but they are great guidelines for each day of our lives:

• apologize for what you did
• forgive, accept an apology and move on 
• stop negativity or gossip all day
• cancel a debt for someone who can't pay
• analyze why you are angry and get control of it 
• tell the truth all day 
• send an email of appreciation to someone who will be surprised 
• lead your group in the right direction, all day
• present a workable solution to the group that shows goodwill
• sit with a lonely person and listen carefully to them

Think of the impact that forgiveness alone could have on conflict world-wide. Peace can only begin with each of us as individuals. Our world cannot be at peace if we cannot first cultivate peace between oursleves and those closest to us. "Let peace begin with me, let this be the moment now...."

The Attitude of Belief

We have all had days where we have questioned ourselves in the persuit of a dream or a goal, in particular when things get a bit rough. Why am I doing this anyway? Will it really make a difference to anyone? Perhaps, someone else can do it better...

The attitude of belief is one of the seven great attitudes taught in the Adventures in Attitudes program that will carry you in times of doubt and failure till at last you reach your goal. The world is full of examples of people who believed in something and succeeded against all odds. Here is just one example of this....

Failed in business at age 31
Was defeated in a legislative race at age 32
Failed again in business at age 34
Overcome death of sweetheart at age 35
Had a nervous breakdown at age 36
Lost an election at age 38
Lost a congressional race at age 43
Lost a congressional race at age 46
Lost a congressional race at age 48
Lost a Senatorial race at age 55
Failed to become Vice President at age 56
Lost a Senatorial race at age 58
Was elected President of the United States at age 60

This is a chonology of President Abraham Lincoln's life. Belief was a driving factor in what kept him going, he believed that the Presidency was his destiny and purpose. How is belief effecting your life, work and relationships?

"Man is what he believes" -Anton Checkhov

Believing is Seeing

Someone once told me that we all have just enough neuroses in our lives to be considered diagnosable. I take comfort in this when I have days that I become self-critical about my work, my outlook in life, or most importantly my relationships. But, to live and care for a person whose life is truly diagnosable is a whole different story. I can say this from personal experience as I try to help an aunt navigate her personal reality that is shaped by fears so large, they have caused her to give up her home, her friends, and to a large degree, her family. I may in fact be the last family member alive that will allow her to live in my home due to her obsession with “people” who are out to get her. Middle of the night trips to the attic to look for unknown villains are becoming common place, as are our daily inspections of small details of the house that have been “changed” in some way.

Today, in trying to help my aunt analyze a current concern, I recalled a personal experience that demonstrated the power of thought in our lives. The incident happened many years ago when I had an old Datsun 310 with at least a quarter of a million miles on it. I loved that car even though it had parts falling off it regularly. One of its’ signs of age was the way the heater worked in the winter (or should I say didn’t work in the winter). In the exact spot each day of my 30-minute commute the heater would begin to work allowing me to warm up just in time for my destination. I had memorized the place that I would be able to warm up on both the morning and afternoon trips and anticipated this as I traveled.

One day, as I pulled into my driveway at home, I was shocked to discover that my toasty warm car was only warm because I believed that it was warm; the heater had never been turned on during this trip. Apparently I had been in deep thought as I was driving home and had turned on my windshield wipers instead of the heater. As I parked and came back to reality, I was curious why the wipers were on and made the discovery that the heat had never been turned on. It was only then that I realized that the car was really quite cold and I was only warm because I believed that I was warm.

Our beliefs really do shape our perceptions of reality- and often leave little room for other possibilities. We could apply this truth to the current political climate in the US where both sides of the political spectrum believe the other is prime evil. We could apply it to our beliefs about a boss or co-worker whom we have decided is incompetent or against us. We can also apply it to what we believe is possible for us; we can only become what we believe we can become. It is good to spend time thinking about what you are thinking. Whether we are conscience of our thoughts or not, they are affecting our lives, work and relationships.