The Attitude Factor

Seminar Atttitude

(Thanks to Bob Rich, today's guest author for sharing this great self reflection)...

Years ago, I attended a five-day leadership seminar in Florida. The weather was perfect, the college setting was ideal, and the group of attendees and instructors were exceptional. This was high-level leadership training, and it was coming at a perfect time in my career and personal growth.  I was thrilled to be there, and even today, I view this week as a defining moment in my life. For the first two days, we reviewed our personal profiles that assessed our flexibility, intelligence, leadership, communication and interpersonal skills. In no time, I felt at home, found my "spot" and enjoyed making some new friends. Unfortunately, among this group, was an arrogant, self-absorbed, know it all executive that clearly rubbed me the wrong way. By day three, I had heard enough; I challenged this guy, in public, to ask him to "get in line".

Two seconds later, however, the sharpest, smartest instructor in the group turned the tables right back on me, and she sharply challenged me on my own seminar "attitude". I was shocked to be singled out like that, and really taken back by her laser-like critique of my own leadership style. Apparently, I was so consumed with judging my peers behavior that I lost sight of my own. I was deeply wounded by the timing, accuracy and velocity of her critique. I knew she was right on, as she had exposed one of my leadership blind spots for all to see. OUCH!  She so rattled my cage that I spent the remainder of the day (and night) reflecting on my own, and the next morning we spoke for hours about this weakness and its implication on others. She then proceeded to help me grow stronger.

This special instructor was placed in my path to teach me a lesson I will never forget. Though countless associates, peers and friends could have easily called me on the carpet years before over this same, obvious leadership "attitude", only this special instructor cared enough about me and my growth to address it directly, openly and effectively.  She forced me to see, hear and live with my leadership weakness; as a result, I was able to quickly and convincingly eradicate this weakness from my leadership toolbox. And, in its place, I have created a more productive, strength based leadership model that can serve others better where and when appropriate. I'm still not a perfect leader, but better.

An Alluvio Observation.... All around us, there are people that see us "as is"; they know our strengths, our weaknesses and our unique gifts. And, for the most part, they have good intentions to help us grow and develop in our personal and professional life. But, only a handful among them will actually observe, share and coach us at our points of weakness; because only a few have the courage, patience and confidence to place themselves "in harms' way".  When I look back over my leadership journey (thus far), I can list on one hand the people who so valued me and my relationship with them that they told me what I needed to hear - not what I wanted to hear. My Florida friend is #1.

Question to ponder... Are you surrounded by people that can see your blind spots? Will they point them out to you (or to others)? Can you name these blind spots now?

The Attitude of Belief

We have all had days where we have questioned ourselves in the persuit of a dream or a goal, in particular when things get a bit rough. Why am I doing this anyway? Will it really make a difference to anyone? Perhaps, someone else can do it better...

The attitude of belief is one of the seven great attitudes taught in the Adventures in Attitudes program that will carry you in times of doubt and failure till at last you reach your goal. The world is full of examples of people who believed in something and succeeded against all odds. Here is just one example of this....

Failed in business at age 31
Was defeated in a legislative race at age 32
Failed again in business at age 34
Overcome death of sweetheart at age 35
Had a nervous breakdown at age 36
Lost an election at age 38
Lost a congressional race at age 43
Lost a congressional race at age 46
Lost a congressional race at age 48
Lost a Senatorial race at age 55
Failed to become Vice President at age 56
Lost a Senatorial race at age 58
Was elected President of the United States at age 60

This is a chonology of President Abraham Lincoln's life. Belief was a driving factor in what kept him going, he believed that the Presidency was his destiny and purpose. How is belief effecting your life, work and relationships?

"Man is what he believes" -Anton Checkhov

Believing is Seeing

Someone once told me that we all have just enough neuroses in our lives to be considered diagnosable. I take comfort in this when I have days that I become self-critical about my work, my outlook in life, or most importantly my relationships. But, to live and care for a person whose life is truly diagnosable is a whole different story. I can say this from personal experience as I try to help an aunt navigate her personal reality that is shaped by fears so large, they have caused her to give up her home, her friends, and to a large degree, her family. I may in fact be the last family member alive that will allow her to live in my home due to her obsession with “people” who are out to get her. Middle of the night trips to the attic to look for unknown villains are becoming common place, as are our daily inspections of small details of the house that have been “changed” in some way.

Today, in trying to help my aunt analyze a current concern, I recalled a personal experience that demonstrated the power of thought in our lives. The incident happened many years ago when I had an old Datsun 310 with at least a quarter of a million miles on it. I loved that car even though it had parts falling off it regularly. One of its’ signs of age was the way the heater worked in the winter (or should I say didn’t work in the winter). In the exact spot each day of my 30-minute commute the heater would begin to work allowing me to warm up just in time for my destination. I had memorized the place that I would be able to warm up on both the morning and afternoon trips and anticipated this as I traveled.

One day, as I pulled into my driveway at home, I was shocked to discover that my toasty warm car was only warm because I believed that it was warm; the heater had never been turned on during this trip. Apparently I had been in deep thought as I was driving home and had turned on my windshield wipers instead of the heater. As I parked and came back to reality, I was curious why the wipers were on and made the discovery that the heat had never been turned on. It was only then that I realized that the car was really quite cold and I was only warm because I believed that I was warm.

Our beliefs really do shape our perceptions of reality- and often leave little room for other possibilities. We could apply this truth to the current political climate in the US where both sides of the political spectrum believe the other is prime evil. We could apply it to our beliefs about a boss or co-worker whom we have decided is incompetent or against us. We can also apply it to what we believe is possible for us; we can only become what we believe we can become. It is good to spend time thinking about what you are thinking. Whether we are conscience of our thoughts or not, they are affecting our lives, work and relationships.

An Adventure in the Attitude of Fear!

This morning I got a bit more than I expected as I took my shower. As began to shave my legs and looked down at the shower floor for the first time, I spied an enormous thousand leger trying to climb up and out near the door of the shower. I knew he would never make it up the slippery fiberglass to his escape, but it was my escape that I was mostly worried about.

There I was, standing behind this insect in a state of panic; I am terrified of spiders of all kinds and never get this close to them on purpose. After letting out a high-pitched scream I held onto the back wall of the shower to try to think through the situation. First of all, I had to admit to myself that this creature was just as terrified as I was, especially after hearing my scream. Secondly, eventually my husband, who was out on the back patio enjoying coffee and the Sunday newspaper, would come up for his shower. I could surely stay alive until he arrived, couldn’t I?

After a few minutes more of breathing and calming myself and not having any success at willing my husband to the bathroom, I decided to turn the water off. Washing my hair was out of the question since it would require loosing visual contact with the creature. As soon as I turned off the water, the thousand leger moved a little, so I quickly turned it back on ignoring my concerns about water conservation in the middle of a draught. So there we stood, the creature and I, frozen in our collective states of panic both wondering (I am sure), how we would escape the situation.

As the minutes ticked by, I made the decision to make my exit. It took another few minutes to talk myself into it and then I leapt out, leaving the creature safely behind me in the slippery stall that he couldn’t escape.

It amazing how easy it actually was to climb out of that shower. Then I watched Rick effortlessly gather up the thousand leger into a glass to carry him outside to safety with quite a bit of ease also, and I began to process the event and how paralyzing fears can be.

I wondered what other fears might be locking me into the shower stalls of my life and how like this incident, they may actually be much easier to leap over then I have allowed myself to believe. How about you, have you examined your fears lately to see if they are as scary as you have imagined? Is the consequence of your fear worth what it is keeping you from doing or achieving?. Take the leap out of that shower stall and challenge your assumptions, You may find, as I did, that your monster is really just a little bug.

Use Your Head

In a May 1986 issue of the "Coordinator Magazine," Bob Conklin, The author of the Adventures in Attitudes program suggested that you should "use your head to work for you, rather than against you. The way you use your head, think, will be the blueprint of your life."

Conklin's belief that our thoughts create blueprints for our lives has been validated many times over in my lifetime. A recent illustration came from friend and colleague, Bob Jackson, who sent me a photo copy of an actual affirmation that he composed during an Adventures in Attitudes program back in 1999 that I co-facilitated. He had written a lofty affirmation about achieving "levels of success never percieved or understood before." As he shared this information with me, he was celebrating the release of his first book and preparing for his diseration for his doctoral work. Bob somehow brought these affirmations into his conscience thinking and they became a reality in his life!

"To think is to live" said Cicero. What are you thinking about today? What ever your thoughts are, they are creating a blueprint for your life! Be sure that it is a blueprint that you desire.

Life is Good

Bob Conklin, the author of Adventures in Attitudes, often talked about the power of the choices we make every day in what we pay attention to.  He likened it to a camera.  If we point our camera at the negative news in the daily paper we are likely to end up with some negative attitudes.  Point it at a lovely garden and end up with some positive attitudes. So, with that in mind I must recommend Life is good.  A simple concept - print a positive message on clothing (and other everyday products) and change the world.  You can read the full story of the two brothers who took this simple idea and turned it into a multi-million dollar business in a USA Today article.

I first discovered their products in a store in New Hampshire last year on a family vacation and was fascinated by the idea.  Perhaps you will be too.

So, if you'll excuse me now, I'll make another cup of tea in my "Life is good" mug and point my camera at some of the positives in life.

21 Days to a New Attitude!

It happened to me recently as I listened to a colleague discuss the great division between people on both sides of the political spectrum in this country. I realized that I had developed a "negative attitude" about the "other side." In a sense, I acutally viewed these folks (even ones I did not know personally) as "the enemy." How sad to discover this in myself- yet it was not the first time in my life I had made this discovery. How easy it is to get sucked in to negativity. So much easier than to try to see the good in the other point of view.

Many of us have probably realized (usually after everyone else does) that we need to work on our attitudes at various points in our lives. Those that have never made this realization, in my view, are highly suspect. But, if you are like me, when you come to this realization you may beat yourself up a bit and tell yourself things like "I should know better." Do not fret. Remember, taking the high road is a journey not a destination. The real point is to be on the journey, and to know when you have fallen off the path and to get back on quickly.

So what do you do when you realize that you need to do some more "self-work"? You've probably heard before that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. Well, the way that we think and choose to interpret our world and other people is really a habit we have developed.  If the negative attitude habit finds its way into your world, try this very practical advise offered by Patricia Wagner in her short article called "21 Days to A Positive-Attitude Habit" I plan to try using the activivies suggested immediately- I hope you will join me!

Why Men are Happier

Why Men Are Happier Than Women!

1. We keep our last name.
2. The garage is all ours.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. We can be president.
6. We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
7. Car mechanics tell us the truth.
8. The world is our urinal.
9. We never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
10. Same work, more pay.
11. Wrinkles add character.
12. Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
13. People never stare at our chest when we're talking to them.
14. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
15. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
16. One mood, ALL the time.
17. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
18. We know stuff about tanks.
19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
20. We can open all our own jars.
21. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
22. If someone forgets to invite us, he or she can still be our friend.
23. Our underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
24. Everything on our face stays its original color.
25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
26. We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
27. We almost never have strap problems in public
28. We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
29. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.
30. We don't have to shave below our neck.
31. Our belly usually hides our big hips.
32. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
33. We can "do" our nails with a pocket-knife.
34. We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
35. We can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.

Attitude and the Bottom Line

Would you agree with Charles Schwab, the former president of US Steel, who once said “I will pay more for the ability to get along with others than any other skill? “  If so, how does attitude weigh in at your organization? For example, do managers know how to determine an applicant’s attitude track record through the interview process?  Or, is the development of positive attitudes part of your organization’s business plan? Perhaps it should be.  Business consultant and author David Maister has found that companies that enhance employee satisfaction by just 20% improve their financial performance by a whopping 42%! The link between satisfaction and attitudes (particularly the attitudes of your supervisory and management staff) shows up in research and surveys regularly.

Think of it, everyday organizations all over this planet are being impacted by the attitudes of the people in them. Not to pick exclusively on leaders, but, leadership seems to set the tone for the attitudes found in your company.  For example, an often-quoted outcome of the Gallup organization’s massive survey work is that employees do not quit companies; they quit their immediate supervisor.  How do you suppose attitudes factor into this equation? I can suggest the attitudes that are likely absent in the employee-manager relationship: the attitudes of listening, understanding, patience, humility, confidence and belief may all be factors in this problem.  According to the Center for Creative Leadership the key cause of executives failing in their roles was attributed to low levels of "emotional competence." Another study conducted by Walter Clarke and Associates found a link between how top managers handled emotions and how much their coworkers preferred to deal with them.

Still not convinced that paying attention to attitudes is worth the time or effort?  After all, doesn’t this attitude stuff fall into what they call “soft-skills? “  Let’s bring it back to dollars and cents.  Psychologist, Ed Diener, Ph.D. has discovered that cheerful people earn as much as $14,000 per year more than their unhappy counterparts! If these individuals are earning more, wouldn’t it suggest that their companies are also earning more?  Not only is having a great attitude a win-win, it can provide some of the personal motivation needed to launch someone toward the work needed to change life long counter productive patterns of behavior- never an easy process.

Surely, personal motivation to work at this will be a key ingredient in achieving success. The most amazing (and challenging) thing about attitudes is that they are always a personal choice. Unfortunately, you cannot mandate having a good attitude (well you could, but it wouldn’t work except to provide some comic relief at your company).

The person most responsible for the idea of attitudes being a personal choice was the late Victor Frankl.  A world-renowned psychologist, Frankl, was imprisoned in a Nazi war camp but chose to find reasons to live by using simple daily happenings to affirm his belief that he would live to see freedom.  What’s interesting about this is that it was his perception of events that was the key to his success. Think about how this translates to the work place. Someone says something in a meeting and two employees leave the meeting having two entirely different responses. One goes back to work to get started and the other broods with anger- this kind of thing is a daily occurrence.

Fankl saw the same daily events as his fellow prisoners, but his interpretation of these events saved his life! Simple things such as a fellow prisoner’s smile or the sun coming out would fuel his anticipation of his future freedom.  His book about these experiences “Man’s Search for Meaning” was named one of the top ten most influential books written in the 20th century.

Think of the impact of having a leadership team who actually believes in the employees in your organization. Imagine what might result if your leaders came to work everyday believing that everyone in your organization really wants to do the best job that they are able, and that their role is really about removing the barriers that keep this from happening. Imagine a workplace where employees anticipated the customer (both internal and external) saying yes, and wanting to partner? As you visualize these powerful attitudes at work in your organization, you can probable see the relationship between attitudes and the bottom line.  Never has a performance strategy (or business strategy) been so personally enriching for those involved as the consistent steady progress toward the management of one’s thoughts and attitudes. It can change lives (and fortunes).